I had a very enlightening day today. I was talking to some workmates at lunch, and found out that my earlier life was not so unique as I had previously thought it was. My parents really didnt like anyone to intrude into their lives, and really resented us kids having a life of our own. Or at least that is how I felt. Even now today, they remain reclusive, with no friends or real contact with the outside world. They read newspapers and watch tv, and watch from within their own little world. I can intrude now, but even as a grown adult, with a family of my own and a full life of my own, they still make me feel very scared to voice an opinion or to go 'against' their very narrow minded picture of the world. My brothers and sisters refuse even to speak to them and even avoid going to visit them any more. It is a sad situation, and I feel a great sadness for their loneliness. They speak to me regularly, and I make an effort to keep in touch but I feel I have to mind my P's and Q's. I feel I have to keep them happy somehow.
Today I listened to a good friend, tell a story about her inlaws, and they were as I described my parents. I felt very relieved that my family wasnt the only one who was so insular. I have broken away and feel a lot more outgoing, but sometimes my feelings of being a hermit, come to haunt me at times.

If you could rename yourself in real life, what would you choose, and why?

I would love an Irish name such as Sioban, or Celia, or Bridget. I really dont know why, just love the sound of the Irish dialect Its like a beautiful rolling and musical language. Maybe I was Irish in another life .

Its pouring rain here at the moment, and bloody cold. I cant sleep because DH is snoring rather loudly. I thought it was wiser to get up and do something rather than lie there next to him with that awful noise grating on my nerves. A nice glass of red and some time to sit here and write is nicer I think. Woo hoo, our new house has started in full earnest this week. The concrete slab has been poured, and sitting there awaiting the builders to arrive and start erecting the frame. I havent been terribly excited yet about all of this, but it will come. Living in the shed is ok, but the other morning I cracked and lost my temper, when I got in the shower and the water was cold...not nice on a freezing morning. I burst into tears, and generally felt lousy. It was all starting to get to me, especially as I had the tell tale signs of a head cold starting too. I went to work for the first threee days but by the fourth, I admitted defeat and stayed at home in my warm bed for the day. I lost my voice as well, but that didnt matter as I didnt see another person all day until my DH came home from work. It was lovely to snuggle up in bed when the world was so cold and almost hostile feeling outside. This is proving to be a very cold and raw winter...one like we have not experienced for many years. We went for a drive through the hills arounf Leongatha today, ans all the farms look so lush and green, but also very soft and wet too. We bought some fruit trees from a nursery in Mirboo North. An Apricot and a Nectarine and a Cherry tree. We are going to miss our well established trees that we had at our previous home...especially the bountiful lemon tree and those delicious granny smith apples in the autumn. I have also felt a bit sad this week because my noys have both said that they are going to pack up to go and work in Western Australia. There are very good opportunities for them over there, but I will miss them. I started to cry, because I heard a song on the radio not long after they told me about their plans...a song called 'The Dance'. It made me feel very sad and a few tears started to run down my cheek. I will miss them dreadfully. Still they have not gone yet, so I will make the most of their presence while they are still around. I must go now

Of all the years to build a new home and to live in the shed while it is being built, we had to pick one of the coldest we have had for a few years!!!
We have been spoilt by our milder winters, so this chilly winter is really hitting home and we are really feeling it. Sometimes I feel we are like bears and we have gone into hibernation. We get up in the dark and go to bed in the evenings really early to keep warm. We dont see much daylight. It is just too darned cold out there........although I must admit, I love going out for a walk with the dog in the crisp air, as long as I am rugged up. The sting of cold on my face is very refreshing, and you feel so enlivened after the excercise. I dont know how I would survive a winter in the northern hemisphere. No bloody wonder my parents emigrated from England all those many years ago!! They now live up in warm and sunny Hervey Bay. They sit out on their front verandah in the afternoons, for their afternoon cuppa, in the sun waiting for a cool breeze to waft in as it usually does at around 3pm.
I love going up there to be with them, they have such a magnificent view from their verandahs, of the two bays of hervey bay. The sun shines on the water all day and you can see the fishing boats out on the water. Dad has a telescope set up and if you concentrate you can almost see what the fishermen have on their lines for bait!

I know I dont write here often enough, but I feel I really dont have a lot to write about day to day. Since last entry, we have moved and are waiting for the work to start on our new house. i should be excited and I have done everything I can to help me feel a bit more keen, but I dont seem to be able to get into New House mode. We are living in our big shed on the block where we are going to live. When i say block it is a 13 acre lot, and we have some beautiful Angus cattle grazing here. The shed is fairly comfortable, but it has been getting very cold here, and I am feeling it. We have got a pot belly stove hare, but I seem to spend a lot of time in bed with the electric blanket on. I mean...that I go to bed early in the evening, almost not long after having tea, and I watch TV there. I really dont like sitting out getting colder and colder. The house has came to a bit of a stand still because of buerecratic bungling, and we have hired a solicitor to start sorting it out...ho hum more costs. The bloody shire here are absolutely a bunch of airhead idiots, and ....no more...it only makes me cross. When and if we get the new house finished, it should be really lovely, but it all seems to be so far away. Our builder Darren is very patient, but even he seems to be a bit anxious to get going.
We spent 4 days up in Bendigo helping some good friends with some repairs on their house. They recently had it restumped, and the plaster had all cracked so DH helped out with repairing all the plaster and cracks. My girlfriend and I went shopping, while they toiled on. I bought some beautiful BIG infact MEGA Big towels, which I am really thrilled with. I have never had so many really good towels before. We bought a dozen about 6 months ago, and then my mum gave me another dozen, plus DH bought me a beautiful set about 3 weeks ago. I really didnt need any more towels, but couldnt resist buying these BIG ones, especially when they were on a special.
The sun is shining in at the moment and it is so lovely and warm here in the sun...a contrast to the bitterly cold nights. It was cold up in Bendigo, but I slept really well there. The bed was so comfortable, and we had piles of blankets on. It felt so cosy. We have a lovely warm woollen doona, which is lightweight here, but the blankets seem to remind me of when I was a child at home. They were heavy and toasty warm, and you seem to snuggle right down into them. It is hard to buy nice blankets now. Doonas are the go now. I guess they are much more convenient. My DH says he prefers winter to summer, because you can always warm up in winter whereas it is difficult to cool down in summer. This is the main reason why we never ended up living in Queensland. he found it hard to cope with the heat.....me I love living in the warmer climate, and would go up there as quick as a wink. HO Hum...it aint going to happen.
Well enough rambling

It has been so long since I have been here....so much has happened. I have had my operation and it has taken me a long time to recover. I was in Bairnsdale Hospital for 7 days, and it went quickly. The operation took about 4 hours, and mostly what i can recall is that when I was lying on the table in theatre, I was amazed that there was a window to the outside, and you could see the garden and a beautiful blue sky. It was an enclosed garden and so beautiful. I wasnt scared, very peaceful in fact, unlike the night before when I DRANK SO MUCH RED WINE I was a crying drunk. I felt very vulnerable that night and my DH was very good, laughing and supportive, and telling me how much he loved me. Any way after the operation he was there, and looked so concerned. He left to go home...a two hour drive away, promising to return as soon as he could. He wanted to work the week to be able to spend a week at home with me when I came home. I was quite ok. I was on a morphine drip, and I could press this little button to give myself a boost if i felt I needed it. The morphine was ok, but made me sick so i was quite pleased when the drip fell out the next day. The weather was so oppressive all the time I was in Bdale. Hot and humid. All I felt like was lying on the bed watching TV. I have never watched so much TV in all my life I swear. Anyhow, when I got home one week later I was rearing to go, but I felt like death warmed up. I was pale and drawn, and tried to do too much at once so naturally I fell into a heap and developed a massive wound infection. I had to go on antibiotics and have an ultrasound to check if there was a wound abcess. If there was one it had burst and I was leaking all this gunk nonstop for about a week or so. NOW I am feeling so much better, and am hopefully on the real mend......three weeks later.

I have just got my new keyboard, after my old one packed it in last week. It just came to bits, much to my consternation. This one is very nice and the keys are much softer and its just easier to use. Not a lot has been happening. We havent been out fishing much, it has been too bloody windy. Some days it never seems to stop blowing down here...one big downside to living here. I am geeing myself up, in preparation for a big operation I am going to have on the 26th of this month. It is something I have been wanting to have done for a long time now, and at long last the big day is nearly here. I am secretly pleased, while being very apprehensive at the same time. I have been on the internet non stop researching over the past few weeeks, so I am well versed as to what is going to go on. Maybe the less you know the better sometimes, but I prefer to be well educated so i can anticipate what to expect.

It is so humid here. I am sitting in front of an open door, with a very slight breeze occasionally wafting in, which is pleasant...otherwise I feel like the sweat is dripping off me by the gallon. I am quite tired, as I didnt get home until after 10 last night after having a big day driving all the way to FTG for an appointment with a doctor. Then driving all the way home or at least to LRH to visit my DH who had undergone surgery. He was feeling well, but apparently had a tough time in recovery, and needed a mega dose of morphine. I spent a couple of hours with him because he didnt want me to leave, and then he wanted to come home. Luckily he was talked out of this, hence I was quite late coming home. I drove over first thing this morning to pick him up, and he is ok, but very sore and sorry. He is supposed to be resting for the next week with his feet up, but I feel this will be a big challenge for him. and me of course!!
I am very excited about the prospect of my surgery which is booked for the 23rd of February, but more about this later.
It has been a very very busy day, on top of a busy week. Gastro has hit us both earlier this week,and it is taking a long time to recover.

Have had a day out just blowing the cobwebs away. Have been unwell for almost two weeks now, and have confined to house, so today we went for a drive to Walhalla to take a look at the areas touched by bushfires. It came sooo close to the township, it must have been terrifying. There is a thick pall of smoke everywhere, but right in the town it is safe, and the trees are green and lush. Its like a slice of heaven in the midst of a blackened, crisp, and harsh looking landscape. We had a long chat with the owners of the local general store, Rhonda and Norm, and a really delicious cup of coffee. They told us their story of their survival. It seems that now they are struggling even harder now, as the tourists are staying away, and these poor people have lost their income. So Please tell everyone. It is OK to come back. This little town has so much to offer, peace tranquility, and beauty. It is so pretty, and there are many shops, and sights to take a look at. The Walhalla Railway is operating again.
I am stewing the apricots off my tree, before the birds eat all the fruit. I love stewed apricots.......and I am trying to make some home made ice cream. Not that I feel like eating it yet. My tummy is still a bit squirmy. Just felt like a challenge, after so long doing nothing.

I have had a very busy day. Worked hard all day, picked up husband, who was at a work breakup. He was very "happy", by the time I found him. It is not any fun to walk into a party stone cold sober, hot, sweaty and tired, when everyone else is tipsy and having fun. I had a drink with his crew, and listened to all their merriment, trying so hard not to be a party pooper. Then I helped elder son and his partner to move some furniture into their new house. They look so happy...in their new home. It is light and airy even though it is small, much better than the gloomy dark house they have lived in for the past twelve years. I want to see them happy because they have been doing it fairly rough for a long time even though it was self inflicted, a lot of it. Got some takeaway tea for us all, Steak sandwich and salads no one felt like cooking tonight. Husband asleep snoring in chair and I am enjoying a well earned cup of tea. Thinking about going to bed really soon.